How to Talk to Your Child About Bullying: A Parent's Guide Part 2

Last Updated On: September 4th, 2026

How to encourage open communication about bullying at home

It is a terrible thing for a child to be bullied, but it can be heartbreaking and distressing to learn that your child has been participating in bullying behavior. To best address and remedy the problem, you will need to have conversations in which your child may be reluctant to open up.

To get ideas on how to encourage children to talk about bullying, let’s look at some reasons why kids DON’T want to talk about bullying. (Why don’t kids ask for help?)

Power and control

A child that has acted as a bully may be afraid of losing the power they have used in the bullying.

Express an understanding of the feeling of powerlessness that can come with being a child in a world controlled by adults. This is an almost universal feeling among children, and all children need to work with it. Your understanding of the feeling might not be fully accepted by your child, but empathizing can lead to a discussion of alternative ways to act on frustration with childhood limitations.
The power to choose to communicate can be emphasized. If the child feels strong for addressing the difficult topic of poor behavior choices, they can feel accomplished and overcome the poor choices.
Reinforcement of the power and control in other areas of a student’s life can reduce the need for power flexing in bullying behavior. Think of areas where your child can be given control, and highlight that when talking with your child. Find out where your child feels powerless, and see if there are areas where you can easily give them options or ownership.

Retribution

A child who has bullied may fear retribution from their target or from other bullies that get exposed during the investigation of the situation.

Confidence in adult consistency can help reduce the fear of retribution. If the child knows that there will be follow-through on any retribution related to their communication and that there will be an ongoing support system for them, the child will be more likely to overcome the fear of retribution.
Consistency of family support in other topics will build confidence in talking about bullying behavior. The child may still fear retribution, but if the child feels family support generally, it can be enough to overcome the fear.
Reviewing the potential problems and what would happen next can help your child think through the results, making the fears concrete instead of abstract. A general fear of retribution can be paralyzing, but if you go through the possible responses and what would happen next realistically together, the child can work through fears about retribution and feel more confident opening up about their role in the bullying. A review of the school’s bullying response process may be useful here, to show the child how the school will support them if bullying turns against them.

Adult Judgment

Children who have participated in bullying behaviors may also feel shame about their experience. Children can bully through social pressure or ignorance, and when they want to talk to adults about what they’ve done, the fear of judgment and/or punishment may stop them.

Children, like adults, make mistakes. As a supportive adult, you are in a great position to encourage the child that choosing to stop making bad decisions is itself an excellent choice.
Focusing punishment on meaningful activities that can help a child right their wrongs of bullying behavior can help the child reduce the shame and understand their punishment. For example, having the child work towards the support and inclusion of other students through volunteering at the school by tutoring or mentoring in place of what they would normally want to do or beautifying the area where the bullying occurred can be more direct and meaningful than a general removal of privilege. They may even find that they enjoy the service-based activity and stick with it when restricted activities are re-added to their schedule.
Keeping communication open with the child during the consequences stage of the bullying will show the child that they are more than their behavior and that the consequences are helpful for them to put the bullying behavior behind them. It is easy to avoid talking about the uncomfortable experience during the consequences stage, but if you continue to help your child process, it may be easier for them to forgive themselves for the bad choices and to move past the event.
As hard as it is, it can be a relief to talk about mistakes, and if your child learns this relief, they will be on the path to a useful skill for their future.

Helplessness/hopelessness

A bully may also feel that adults will not understand. A child that has participated in negative behavior may feel that adults will not care about them beyond their bullying or understand why they have done the things that they did.

Children may be more willing to admit to bullying behavior if they know they are valued for themselves and supported in their improvement. Encouraging the desire for self-improvement may allow children to feel safer admitting to bullying behavior. Modeling self-improvement as a positive trait will show children that undesirable traits are better changed than hidden. This can help your child feel more comfortable opening up so that the behavior can be eliminated with your support.
If you feel comfortable sharing some mistakes you have made and how you have addressed them, your child can learn that poor choices do not need to define people. They also see that you can understand and support them because you have overcome things that don’t define you. It can be very comforting to a child that has behaved badly towards others to know that they are not alone in needing to address their wrong decisions.

Social pressure

A child that has bullied another may fear losing their friends from an investigation. The child’s friends often also participate in bullying and may separate themselves from a child who stops the behavior or exposes it to adults. The child may also have friends who disapprove of bullying behavior and will distance themselves from a child that has participated in this type of activity.

Encourage children’s connections to a variety of children in different social groups. This can help kids looking to change their behavior to see that bullying is not the entire world. Being part of entire social circles that do not include this dynamic can be inspiring and encourage children to talk about experiences if their friends are bullying.
Respect children’s confidentiality as much as possible. If a child knows that you will not involve outside people any more than possible in a situation, it will be easier to overcome the fear of social rejection. Of course, you cannot control what other children or adults will say, but if you advocate that only the children involved need to know, conversations will feel safer. This will help if there is fear that a child’s social group will judge the child for poor behavior choices.
As much as you can see the learning potential for your child’s friends, beware of pushing your child to force these experiences. Your child may not be as willing to share with you if you do not include them in discussions of consequences and opportunities. Taking a stance against bullying would be a wonderful consequence of your child’s experience, but your child might only be comfortable with the cessation of bullying behavior, and pushing them to confront others might cut off future communications with you.

How to encourage open communication about bullying at school

To encourage open communication with your child’s school about bullying, preplanning is vital.

Know what the school system has in place for student behavior.

Know what sorts of behavior are covered, so you can be alert for that behavior and know what type of support you can expect from your child’s school. For example, some schools are only involved in incidents in school, while other schools will become involved in any bullying situations involving their students.

Know what steps are taken and by whom. This information will help you get to the right person without going through extra steps with people who are not involved in the response process. It can also help you set expectations for response steps. You will be able to ask questions about policies, and if you are ever involved in a bullying response, you will not feel lost in the process or be left wondering what is next.
Understand that, with the increase in concern about bullying behavior, there will be a standardized process. Knowing that there will certainly be a published response will allow you to feel confident that the process has been thoroughly considered. It also means that it is likely that you will be able to get an actual document of the procedures. Finally, it does mean that if you prefer a different approach, you are unlikely to be satisfied, so have any conversations about concerns with relevant people before you might need it.

Manage your emotions

It is incredibly important to get information about bullying before it becomes an issue if possible. If you ever need the information, it is likely that you will be emotional and in need of immediate information, so it will be a comfort to already have familiarity with the process.

All conversations related to bullying, with your child, with the school, or with anyone else involved, will be much easier and much more productive if you take the time to adjust to your emotions first. Bullying is a highly emotional experience, so it is easy and natural to want to react immediately. However, the most productive and positive results are likely to occur if all parties are in control of their emotions. As children are involved, it is even more important for the adults to be comfortable in their emotions, as the children will likely have a more difficult time doing this.
By controlling your emotions, you can ensure that the focus of conversations stays on the comfort and support of your child. Your child will be comforted if you are able to express your emotions in a controlled way. This does not mean that you won’t be emotional, but if your emotions are out of control, it will be more distressing to your child in a time when they are seeking stability.

If your child has acted as a bully, getting them to open up can be a challenging but very rewarding experience. Knowing how to respond can make the process easier for you and your child.