How to Talk to Your Child About Bullying: A Parent's Guide to Open Communication

Last Updated On: July 29th, 2026

How to encourage open communication about bullying at home with a child who is being bullied

To get ideas on how to encourage children to talk about bullying, let’s look at some reasons why kids DON’T want to talk about bullying (Why don’t kids ask for help?) and what approaches can be helpful for each reason.

Power and Control

Bullying occurs with an imbalance of power. A child that is bullied may not want to give up more power by handing control of the situation to someone else.

Emphasize the strength of using available resources. If a child can feel that the choice to talk about bullying is a step toward regaining power, then the act of resolving the situation does not need to be in the child’s control.
Reinforcement of the strength of the decision and ongoing support of the child’s power and control in other aspects of life can help keep the path of communication open.

Retribution

A child that is bullied has already seen that the bully is powerful and will fear retribution from the bully.

A child’s confidence in adult consistency can help reduce the fear of retribution. If the child knows that there will be follow-through on any bullying retribution and that there will be an ongoing support system for them, the child will be more likely to overcome the fear of retribution.
Consistency of family support in other topics will build confidence in a bullying situation. The child may still fear retribution, but if the child feels family support, it may be enough to overcome the fear.

Adult Judgment

Bullied kids may feel shame about their experience. The process of bullying can be challenging to a child’s self-esteem. A child may not want to risk an adult hearing, and potentially believing, the things that are said about them. Bullied children may also fear adult judgment on their “tattling.”

Adults can reduce feelings of shame by expressing understanding and encouragement. Even if you have never been bullied personally, it has been a common experience. Letting children know that this is a situation that has been around for a long time and that adults are increasingly interested in getting rid of it will help children feel supported and not alone.
Additionally, it may help to let children know that you will not judge them based on a bully’s viewpoint, but that, even if the bullying centers around something true, the child is supported, is valued, and is faultless in the bullying.

Helplessness/hopelessness

The damage to a child’s self-esteem from bullying can convince the child that no one will care about what is being done to them. A bullied child is made to feel alone. Additionally, as adults do not talk about their own bullying experiences, children may feel that adults will not understand their experiences.

Have open and honest conversations with your child about bullying even before any incidents are reported. Being vulnerable with children about your experiences being bullied, participating in bullying behavior as a bystander or participant, or witnessing moments of bullying can help show that bullying is a very emotional situation, so it is ok for them to feel these emotions too. This can reduce feelings of aloneness that can limit conversations.
Emphasizing to your child that even if you have not had the exact same experience, you are there for support during the entire process of healing, even after the behavior has stopped, will help the child feel less alone and more willing to talk about the situation. Again, this conversation can happen before bullying with any pain the child feels and can help the child feel more able to communicate if they are the victim of bullying.

Social Pressure

Bullied children may feel like their friends are the only thing that stands between them and more bullying. The child may fear that an investigation into incidents of bullying will distance their friends from them, leaving them more vulnerable and alone. This feared rejection can come from the investigation or from the same concerns that cause kids to fear adult judgment in these situations.

Encourage children’s connections to a variety of children in different social groups. This can help bullied kids to see that bullying is not the entire world. Bullying can be overwhelming, so being part of broader social circles that are supportive can be heartening and can encourage children to talk about experiences.
Respect children’s confidentiality as much as possible. If a child knows that you will not involve outside people any more than possible in a situation, it will be easier for them to overcome their fear of social rejection. Of course, you cannot control what other children or adults will say, but if you advocate that only the children involved need to know, conversations will feel safer. This includes avoiding conducting your own investigations of bullying with your child’s friends or their parents, as tempting as that may be.

How to encourage open communication about bullying at school

To encourage open communication with your child’s school about bullying, planning ahead is vital.

Know what the school system has in place for student behavior

Know what sorts of bullying and improper behavior are covered, so you can be alert for that behavior and know what type of support you can expect from your child’s school. For example, some schools only get involved with incidents on school grounds, while other schools will become involved in any bullying situations involving their students.

Know what steps are taken and by whom. This information will help you get to the right person without extra steps. It can also help you set expectations for responses. You will be able to ask questions about policies, and if you are ever involved in a bullying response, you will not feel lost in the process, wondering what is next.

Understand that, with the increase in concern about bullying behavior, there will be a formal, documented process. Knowing that there will certainly be a published response process allows you to feel confident that it has been thoroughly considered. It also means that it is likely that you will be able to get a copy of the procedures. Finally, it does mean that if you prefer a different process, you are unlikely to be satisfied, so have any conversations about concerns with relevant people before a bullying incident occurs.

Manage your emotions

It is incredibly important to get information about bullying before it becomes an issue. If you ever need it, you will likely be emotional and in need of immediate answers, so it will be a comfort to already have familiarity with the process.

All conversations related to bullying, with your child, with school, or with anyone else involved, will be much easier and much more productive if you take the time to adjust to your emotions first. Bullying is a highly emotional experience, and it is easy and natural to want to react immediately. However, the most productive and positive results are likely to occur if all parties are in control of their emotions. As children are involved, it is even more important for the adults to be stabilized, as the children will likely have a more difficult time doing this.

By controlling your emotions, you can ensure that the focus of conversations stays on the comfort and support of your child. Your child will be comforted if you are able to express your emotions in a calm way. This does not mean that you won’t be emotional, but if your emotions are out of control, it will be more distressing to your child in a time where they are seeking stability.